Episode 46 An Ask That Nobody Would Say No To

Last week, I went to the Microsoft Redmond campus for the annual AI and Machine Learning Conference. It was a fantastic conference! But in the afternoon, I had a serious information overflow. I can't intake and process any more info.

So I hopped on a Lyft. Driver's name is Jeff.

When I was on the car, Jeff started talking to me. We started by chatting about random things. For example, he said, "Well, Wednesday is usually slow. But you sometimes get a lot of riders. It's either a hit or a miss." - I was passively listening and said "hum interesting.", and thinking, well, you said a lot but you said nothing.

Then Jeff started to talk about the new airport pick-up service that Uber just introduced. I got a bit more interested. I asked him some more details about how the service work. He couldn't really explain. And he is aware of that. - Then I was politely passively listening again, about to plug in my earphones for some music.

After Jeff figured that I was not engaged in the conversation, he started talking about something else. I remember he was trying to explain a word similar to "master", an ancient version of word "master". He started to passionately share with me the source and history of this word, the change of its meaning, the artistic sentiment to the word.

I said, you are very good at linguistic. So did you study linguistic?

He was very happy about my comment, and said, "Well, I have three degrees. In computer science, business, and philosophy." I was very surprised. And asked him, "What was your first degree?"

He said, the first is philosophy. I got a bachelor in philosophy from UW (University of Washington) when I was 45 years old. I was surprised, again. And intrigued to test how serious he is about philosophy.

Then I asked him a question. The question the nobody would say no to. The question is:

"Can I ask you a question?"

Jeff: "Sure go ahead."

Me: "If something makes you happy, but you know that there is no meaning to the thing. What do you do?"

Faced with this kind of question, there are two types of common reactions: (1) Give a strong opinion, e.g. "Your life is a pursuit of happiness. You surely go with happiness. At the end of the day, the meaning is defined by yourself." (2) Give a "It depends" type of answer, or manbering some not-so-insightful comments, e.g. "Well, what do you mean by no meaning?"

So, Jeff is clearly not a random person on the street.

Jeff: "Great question. Give me a situation."

I thought about it, and said, "Ok for example, you fall in love with a person, who you know you won't be together with. What do you do?"

Jeff laughed out aloud. He said, may I show you something? He closed his Lyft app and showed me the background of his phone - it's a beautiful young Asian woman.

Jeff: "This is my girlfriend. She is from Philippine. She just turned 32 this year. And I am 56.
I have tried to talk her out of the relationship. Because you know, I am a little too old for her.
But you know what, she just can't let go. She does not let go. "

Me: "How long have you been together?"

Jeff: "Four years."

Me: "Wow.. That's really inspiring. So what's next? What's your plan?"

Jeff: "Well, I am going to make her move to Seattle, then she will try to experience my life. And then if it works out. I will need to figure out a way to have a baby. "

Me: "…" (my mind is blown away but what I just heard)

Jeff: "So, now you see it. First, you fall in love then you are in love. There is not much that you need, or can to do with it. 

And second, whether you will be together - how do you know? I tried to talk her out but she simply doesn't let go. Who am I to tell her what to do what not to do?

There is no work at this stage. You go with the flow.

Then if you want to go through the marriage, that is a different question. Marriage, raising kids, are hard work. My parents are married for over 50 years. They have a wonderful marriage, but it is absolutely hard work to do marriage."

(The conversation goes on and on)

---

Before I hopped off his car, his parting words are, "Remember my young lady, whether you live a happy life, depends on if you are in love. Can be work, one person, people, your guitar, anything.

It does not depend on whether you are married, or have a lot of money, or any of those superficial things."

---

All the stories begin from one question: Can I ask you a question?

The beauty of this question is
(1) You won't say no. You are curious what I am curious about you;
(2) I am asking for your permission so that you feel respected;
(3) I am inviting you for a dance and you feel flattered.

After you said yes, we are instantly on the same page.

Then story, and wisdom, have a canvas to be drawn on.

---

Note: not 100% agree with Jeff’s philosophy. And too public a place to share my own :)