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Episode 15 Small Talk... And Then?

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This is a speech I delivered in the University of Chicago Booth School of Business when I lived in the US for the first 6 months. I designed a social experiment related to small talk, and was pleasantly surprised by the results. The speech presented the results and insights. It received a standing ovation at the end. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0V2VQZWWdY Transcript as below: 1. Let me ask 2 questions: Who here genuinely enjoy small talk? Please raise your hand. Who here is like me: sometimes not sure what should come after small talk? 2. Today my topic is about: what could happen after small talk 3. When I arrived at Booth, I was taught how to make small talk. They say people ask “how are you doing”, they expect a 10 second answer. They say when you don’t know what to talk about, talk about the weather. I worked hard and almost become a weather expert. 4. But recently, I feel there’s sth wrong. I feel sad that I still only know my classmates
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Episode 59 Goal Setting and Dating App

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Online dating is becoming more common. People's perceptions toward online dating also have evolved. It has now become a more generally acceptable way of meeting people. From a pure scientific point of view, it can be more efficient approach in meeting the right person.  The Knot surveyed more than 14,000 engaged or recently married individuals and reported that 19% of brides said they met their spouses online , increased from 5% in 2015. ( source ) However, there are still lots of frustrations in dating. I have been there, too.  At one point, I was even entertained by the frustrations "Every time, the case is impossible for a different reason. Things don't work out for a different reason. Now I am really curious what the next reason of 'failure' will be... " This blog is about in this era of data-driven dating, how setting third-level goals might help in finding the right person. Plus a personal tip at the end. . . . “People don’t down
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Episode 58 Target at Amazing

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Have you gone through a period of time, that is so intense, from difficult relationships, struggles in life decisions, and that in some quiet night, you just whisper to yourself, "I just want a normal life..." Yes, me too. This blog is about what I learned during this period of time. It is about why we should target at having an amazing life. Why we stopped doing it. Why doing it is hard. And Why we should still do it. Why we stopped doing it? Most of us have had childhood dreams, the rosy fantasies about how amazing that dream would be like. After we've grown up, we don't often dream about that. We have been told that "Life is hard." "Work is work." "Be realistic." We have been hurt. And from these painful experiences, we learned that, higher expectation creates higher risks of disappointment, frustrations, pain. Sometimes, we are so tired, and quietly tell ourselves, "God, I just want a normal life."
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Episode 57 What Happened After My Next Ten Year Plan was Made

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- 1 - April 27, 2018. It was the one year reunion after we graduated. I was hesitating whether I should fly back to Chicago. The reason of the hesitation: I know there will be A LOT OF people, a lot of 'Oh hi how have you been?', a lot of trying hard to stuff our lives in five minute conversations in crowded, noisy venue. I genuinely want to know how my friends have been, but I am fearful that they want to meet and catch up with as many people as possible, and that they won't have time for that with me, and maybe, the deepest fear, is the fear of realizing "I haven't actually made good friends in Booth. " I knew it is possibly a fact. And I am afraid of seeing this fact in front of me.  The other day, I had brunch with another Booth in Seattle. She said, "Why not? It is the most efficient way to catch up with Boothies. Otherwise you may not be able to see them in years."  That's actually a good point. "Just seeing them, and ha
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Episode 56 How Many Lives Have You Lived?

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On my way to work on April 6th, I listened to a podcast . It is an interview with Vanessa Van Edwards, the author of Captivate . It described her way to have dazzling conversations in a networking setting: "It is not about how to impress other people, but how to give other people opportunities to impress you." "A good conversation creates sense of belongings - you make them feel that they belong to you, and you belong to them. Examples are: you share some common experiences; you show that you care about what they care about, by asking thoughtful questions. Their book, their business, their pets, etc. " Vanessa also introduced a fun trick, "Go on a 'No what do you do question' diet. " You don't ask these routine questions that let people go on autopilot. Instead, you ask more thoughtful questions, the purpose is to create sense of belongings. *** It was enlightening to me!  First, I realized networking is something that many pe
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Episode 55 The One Effort

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You may question, there are already a ton of inspirational books, blogs, all over the place. Why are people still writing them? I also have the same doubt: Why am I still writing them? Is it really worth the time putting my realizations in life into words to share? Well. Yes. Let me ask you some other questions: why do we have weekends every week? why do we sleep every day? Because resting is not some one-dose-good-for-the-rest-of-your-life thing. So is motivation. I write them because I need them, and they work for me, for my dreams, right at this moment. And if sharing these words will benefit at least one person, my effort will be worth it. *** 1 *** Last week, I watched a video. It's about an extremely obese person, Brian, met a girl, Jackie, in an online video game, and became friends, very close friends. Eventually this girl got to know his weight, about 600 lbs. And how a one sentence that this girl said has made him lost 390 lbs in a year. "She chang
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Episode 54 Love, Fear and Impossible Dreams

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Last week, I was in a friend’s home. Someone raised a question: "What is the opposite of love?" I had an answer. I didn’t say it. Someone else said, “Fear.” I couldn’t fully understand it at the time. But now I understand. *** Have you loved someone deeply but eventually have to end that relationship? What made you give up on the love? Is it out of fear? Fear of failure, fear of losing, fear of uncertain future, fear of the abundance of obstacles. You are fearful of a soul crashing breakup sometime in the future so much that you’d rather have it, right now. When my mother was in her last stage of illness. One day, at breakfast table, my dad said, “Be prepared. That day can come any time this months.” It is one of the worst feelings I’ve ever had. – you are going to lose someone that you can’t live without, soon, but you don’t know when, any second is possible. Fear is indeed the opposite of love, in this case. ***  Do you have this kind of experiences:
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Episode 53 My Third 30-Day-Challenge and What I've Learned

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The concept of 30-Day-Challenge is simple: you do a specific thing over and over again for 30 days, and write down what I've learned during the experience. I find it one of the most interesting, fulfilling, and inspiring experience. It has helped both my professional and personal life. So, I want to share what I did and what I learned. I will continue to do new 30-Day-Challenges in the rest of 2018. You are welcome to join me if the project interests you :) *** Introduction: In this challenge, I alternate walking for 30 minutes (and listening to audio book) and writing for 30 minutes every morning. For the challenge, I adjusted my daily routine. I now go to bed around 10pm. I got up around 6:15am. Basically switched up one hour from night to morning.  The audio books I read during the 30 days are: Principles by Ray Dalio, Fierce Conversations by Susan, Endurance: A Year in Space by Scott Kelly, podcasts with various guests hosted by Tim Ferriss I write down about 4
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